A colleague arrived at work and had the whole workforce idolizing her new radiant look. "You look fantastic," "You look ten years younger," "What on earth have you done, you sexy thing you?"
"I bought some (famous brand) face foundation, that's all," she replied, eyes demurely gazing at the floor.
Right, I thought. I can do that.
It cost a month's salary, but who cares when you can have the world salivating at your feet?
In I waltzed, foundation up to the eye-brows, prepared to take the complements with the modesty they did (not) deserve. Into the classroom, prepared for the flattery (which would be a good few years in coming, I can tell you). Into the staff room, all smiles and attention-seeking.
And the result? Nothing. Not a sausage except a few hellos and how-are-yous.
They must all be blind. Still, undetered I went for coffee in the bar, prepared for the crowd to part like the Red Sea in my honor. Not a damn thing.
Until the coffee-lady took a good look at me. "Ew," she said. "What's all that brown stuff on your collar?"
Deep sigh. You've either got it, or you ain't. And I ain't, I admit it.