Sunday, February 03, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors



It's a WeWriWa day! I'm now a Weekend Writing Warrior and in very good company. If you'd like to join us, just visit this site to sign up and then post eight sentences from any of your work, published or unpublished.

Today, my example comes from my first novel "Perfect Score" which is a non-explicit, m/m suspense, and is doing pretty well :-)


Sam's hours at the Thud Bar were from midday to midnight six days a week. Besides sending shots down the bar, his other tasks included hauling kegs and bottles, swabbing down the wooden bar and giving a lick and a promise to the glasses.
“And making sure customers don't kick ass too often,” Charlie the bar-owner told him on his first day while Jim Reeves crooned on the juke that he got the blues when it rained. “As you saw yesterday, fights just flare up, they come outta nowhere like the weather. We need to nip bar brawls in the bud. Get 'em out in the street.”
Sam looked around the brown bar, not brown from any paint but from eons of exhaled fumes that stuck. He wondered how a bar fight could make the place look any worse than it already did. 

28 comments:

  1. Great description, I feel like I'm right there in the bar with him!

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  2. Very nice I loved your description of everything. Now what caused the fight? Can't wait to read more. :-)

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  3. Great visual! loved the Jim Reeves' touch, for atmosphere. :-) Nice snippet! :-)

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  4. Thanks Dani-Lyn, Brenda and Teresa!

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  5. Oh, excellent description. I got a vivid picture of the place.

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  6. Very vivid descriptions. Great snippet!

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  7. I'lm sure he'll find out lol Nice to see you again

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  8. I love that the bar was colored by exhalations. Great descriptions!

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  9. I can practically see the bar. Great description.

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  10. Great use of bar terms in this snippet. Sam's job doesn't sound like it's going to be easy, breaking up all those fights in such grim surroundings!

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  11. Great description - I could visualise everything.

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  12. Thanks everyone - I love hearing all your comments. Now I'm trying to get round to everyone!

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  13. Great way to show the state of the bar!

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  14. Great scene! And it's true about the smoke. Covers everything in a layer of grime over time.

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  15. I love the way you described the bar! I can see it clearly in my mind. Great 8.

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  16. Very descriptive, I could put myself into the scene. Definitely wondering what will happen next, like the way this is unfolding. Terrific snippet!

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  17. You've got their voices down pat! Good job!

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  18. Sounds like a pretty sleazy place.

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  19. I also loved the bar description. At first I needed to go back and reread to grasp the sentences with multiple parts. However, it is very picturesque and will make a good story.

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  20. Fantastic descriptions. I can see -- and smell -- that bar!

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  21. I see a bar fight in the future... Great piece.

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  22. Thanks everyone! Brinda - Sam can handle it!

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  23. Nice setup. Really sets the scene for the action to come. Looking forward to more!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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  24. Sounds just like my local!! Especially those deep gamboge walls layered with decades of nicotine!!

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  25. That last line... lol. You must be proud of that, 11/10. Lovely. I'm still giggling.

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  26. I'm loving this guy already. Not only did you stage a great scene, but that final line brought it all home. NICE!

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  27. This sounds like a good group to be a part of. I hadn't heard about it before. Love this extract. It definitely leaves me wanting more.

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